Despised
by MeganxDegrassi
Summary: Bianca's trying to get over the past, but everything in the present is keeping her trapped there.
1. The Fool

**A/N: Hey there (x. This is a side story about Bianca that branches off from my other fic, "When Things Are Broken". If you read that, then this author's note is not of importance to you. If you didn't read that, you should probably know a few things. Bianca used to date Fitz, and she broke up with him, then he died saving her life (sparing you all the details about that), and this is how she is now. Oh, and so you're not confused, Imogen is pregnant (though she doesn't play a major role in the story), because she was raped. O_O. Yup… I hope you enjoy. **

I turned the key in the lock quietly, knowing I was supposed to be home by eleven, and it was now a little past midnight. It wasn't my fault; Imogen and Eli pushed to watch _one last _three hour movie to complete out long weekend of Harry Potter movies. I opened the door and slowly walked into the darkness of my small house, sighing in relief. My aunt, Juliana, must've been gone for the weekend.

I closed the door and leaned against it, happy at the fact that I could just go to bed without any screaming or yelling. Of course, I let myself assuage too soon, because the living room flicked on to reveal my aunt standing by the light switch, perched against the wall with her hands on her hips. "Sorry," I said quietly, pushing off the door and attempting to walk past her.

She moved to block the stairway, her stare looking like it could cut me in two, "Where were you?"

"Imogen's," I sighed and tried to push passed her again, "And, I just want to go to bed."

She wouldn't get out of my way, her voice rose so she was decibels away from yelling, "Yeah, I'm supposed to believe that! It's past midnight, I bet you were getting 'wasted' or 'high' or whatever it is that you kids do! And, probably with some twenty-something guy!"

I rolled my eyes to cover the pain her words emotionally caused me, "I. Was at. Imogen's." I told her clearly, blinking smugly before completely pushing past her to go upstairs.

"Yeah! I'll believe it when you stop being such a dumb slut!" She called after me, but didn't actually care enough to try to follow me or punish me for being out past curfew.

Juliana wasn't like normal guardians; all she ever did was yell and call me names. I'd grown used to her inability to care for me over the years. Especially recently, she blamed me for everything that had happened back in August with Dr. Chris. She reminded me daily of how much she wished I had been the one who died that night; that Fitz didn't deserve to die on my account.

I sighed and walked into my room, closing and locking my door. I plopped on my bed and blinked a few tears from my eyes. It really was my fault, though. I blamed myself just as much as Juliana did. I'd made stupid decision after stupid decision that led to what happened to Fitz.

I'd let one of the only people who actually cared for me die that night, and I would never let myself live it down. Imogen and even Eli had stayed by my side since then, but I only felt like a third wheel, probably bound to ruin their relationship by just hanging around too long.

I slid my hand under my pillow, feeling for the cold, metallic piece that I hid there. I found it and pulled it out, looking at the razor that I now held in my hand. I sat up and smiled through my tears at the sharp object clenched between my thumb and index finger. It was my only release, the only thing in the world that I deserved.

_It's all your fault, _I slid the razor across my wrist, _you good for nothing, _I made a second cut directly underneath the first, where blood was already beginning to trickle down, _SLUT_, I made a final cut just below the two, deeper and longer than the others. I waited for the pain to come as I watched the blood start to ooze from the fresh wounds.

The pain wasn't much, but it was the sort of distraction that I needed.

Physical pain was the key, the release.

I placed the razor back underneath my pillow and got up, deciding that I didn't want to get blood all over my sheets. I grabbed a sweatshirt out of my dresser and quickly walked down the hall to the bathroom. I rinsed out the cuts and put on the sweatshirt on, hoping it would capture anymore lost blood.

Looking in the mirror, I wiped my eyes, not recognizing the person staring back at me. My eyes looked tired, I looked weak, like a low-life, only possessing half the confidence that I once showed off everywhere I went.

I ran my fingers through my hair and splashed my face with water before turning off the water and trudging to my room for the rest of the night.

~x~

_A broken down car,  
wont get very far.  
But, that's alright 'cause we like it here…_

My alarm sounded the next morning, waking me from my not-so-deep slumber. I groaned exhaustedly and dismissed the alarm by slamming my fist hard on top of it. The action made my fist ache slightly, but I ignored the minor pain and got up.

It was difficult, forcing myself out of bed every morning even though I felt like I had nothing to wake for, nothing to live for. But, I did it anyway, moving slowly with no motivation over to my dresser. I picked out clothes carelessly, figuring I had no one to impress and that I'd rather not care about what anyone else thought at this point.

Skinny jeans and long sleeved shirts were my friends, so simple and so easy. Not flattering, and I wouldn't stand out in any crowd since two-thousand-ten—or whenever the universe had decided to bring skinny jeans back into the world of fashion. But, whatever, it worked. Seemed like I was becoming like the basic bitches I'd been trying to avoid.

I jumped into the shower, not caring if the water was going to be scalding hot or freezing cold. Either way, I was hoping for a shock into a reality that would help me look _alive_ for the rest of the day when I felt so _dead. _I ended up using cold water, seeing as my aunt had used enough warm water so that I couldn't get it hot enough to be boiling.

After my shower, I threw on my plain black skinny's and navy blue Domo shirt, then finished getting ready, putting on no makeup and only brushing and adding a de-frizzing product in my hair.

_**DONE WITH THOSE MESSY LOCKS? ADD A LITTLE OF OUR PRODUCT AND YOU'LL HAVE LUCIOUS LOCKS ALL! DAY! LONG!**_

Good to know.

When I was finished getting ready, I went downstairs to eat breakfast. Nothing sounded good to eat so I settled for a cup of coffee and left the house only ten minutes for the first bell was supposed to ring at Degrassi. I didn't care much if I was late, but I knew I wouldn't be anyway. I always settled into my seat in my first class moments before it began.

I drove to school alone.

Last year, Fitz would pick me up and we would go to school together. That would never happen again… I sighed and shook the thought from my mind. It just sucked that Fitz couldn't be there to enjoy all the perks of senior year. He would've loved scare the little niners who got in his way, pulling senior pranks, and wreaking havoc on the senior trip.

Why couldn't I stop thinking about him for at least five seconds? I needed to be happy... He'd want me to be happy, wouldn't he?

What the Hell did I know?

I arrived at school and sulked at my locker for a few seconds, seeing as this was the point where Fitz would take my books and walk with me to my first class, resulting in him always being late to his class, but giving me a reason to smile during the time that I was stuck with the annoying people I had to be around for an hour.

I went to my class and sat down just as the bell rang.

"How do you do it?" A male voice said to my right while Ms. Dawes started talking about the _genius _of tragic heroes in the front of the room.

I turned my head slightly to the side to see Owen Milligan looking at me curiously, "Do what?" I asked, not really in the mood for any antics that he was most likely up to.

"You always just saunter in here, all calm and worry free, like you don't care about anything…" He said, raising one of his dark eyebrows.

_Worry free? _I shrugged, "Sorry?"

He rolled his sky blue eyes at me, "No, I'm sorry for trying to be friendly," His voice turned cold and dripped with sarcasm, as if my lack of care—the very thing he was complimenting me on just a few seconds ago—had annoyed and angered him.

"Whatever," I sighed, turning my gaze back to Ms. Dawes at the front of the room, noticing Owen do the same out of my peripherals.

~x~

Before my fourth hour class, media immersion, Imogen stopped at my locker, "Hey Girlie!" She smiled as I shoved my books into my locker and closed it.

"Hey Imm," I smiled as sincerely as I cold and started walking with her.

"So, Marisol Lewis tried telling me how sorry she was about Fitz today…" Imogen said kind of quietly as we walked into class together.

I scoffed, "You're kidding. How many times did she call him a scumbag and rag on him for being poor? People are so fucking fake." I rolled my eyes, my blood boiling and my heart aching.

"Too many to count," Imogen nodded and took her usual seat in the class room, and I sat in my usual seat right beside her.

"Okay," Ms. Oh began, "Today we're working with photo shop, which I know some of you are already familiar with."

"Some of us more than others," Katie Matlin spoke up from the other side of the room, glaring at me with stone cold eyes.

I shook my head, _Jesus, I'm not going to steal your boyfriend. _

Imogen looked between the two of us before resting her eyes firmly on Katie, "Shut it."

"I don't—"

"Girls," Ms. Oh said authoritatively, cutting off Katie abruptly, "Like I was saying," she continued after the room went silent, "photo shop can be used to…"

I tuned her out because Katie was right, I already knew enough about photo shop, because Fitz had been an expert on it, putting faces on bodies as pranks and a ton of other imaginable things like that. He had taught me everything he knew.

I pulled on the sleeves of my shirt subconsciously, getting upset that this was about the thousandth time Fitz infiltrated my mind today. Things just weren't getting better, and it felt like it was eating me alive.

~x~

I sat with Imogen and Eli at lunch and they discussed the doctor's appointment Imogen had after school. They were supposed to be able to hear the baby's heartbeat and they were excited. She still didn't _look _pregnant, and nobody at school really knew about it besides Imogen's teachers, Mr. Simpson, and Ms. Sauvé.

No one really knew _anything _about what happened the previous summer, Imogen's parents had asked the police to keep our private lives private; and they agreed, having Dr. Chris incarcerated and keeping reasons for it—for the most part—out of the media's grasp.

~x~

I walked to my sixth hour class, Canadian Geography, pushing myself to go instead of skipping the rest of the day. I took my normal seat at the back of the classroom, where I was normally left alone.

But not today.

Today, Owen took the seat next to me and sat sideways, looking right at me until I would give him my attention. I didn't feel like being harassed until he got what he wanted, so I turned sideways and looked at him, "What?"

"I don't get you, you look so upset and lonely, but then I try to be nice and it's like you're stone cold," He looked at me strangely, with an expression that looked like he was both burdened and intrigued.

"I know I am," I sighed, deciding I would take all his criticisms and get them over with.

"You know, Fitz was my friend, too," He said coldly, a quick stem of grief flashing across his bright eyes.

"You have a lot of friends, Owen, and you hadn't talked to either of us since Drew broke up with me," I told him, fact checking in the back of my mind. Okay, so maybe I had zoned out a lot of Drew's friends at the time, and Owen had continued to talk to Fitz right up until Fitz and I started dating..

"Those are more like sports friends, Fitz was more like a brother; a partner in crime," He said, shaking his head quickly as if he was clearing it, "But the point is, life goes on. You can't let this haunt you forever."

My mouth gaped open at him, _Seriously?_

"Okay, so those were all the wrong choices of words, I'm sorry," He corrected himself quickly after seeing my expression. "But, seriously, you need to wake up and smell the roses, sunshine."

I rolled my eyes and stood up, "We're done here," I told him then walked to the front of the room to ask for a bathroom pass.

I spent the rest of the day sulking and tuning everyone out, especially the jocks, until my last class of the day with Imogen, where I put on my happy face and gossiped with her all of class. I wished her luck at her appointment before we parted ways at the end of class.

"You sure you don't want to come with us?" Imogen asked for about the billionth time.

"I'm sure, Imm, just call me later or something?" I looked at her as Eli approached the two of us.

"You ready, Immy?" Eli smiled, taking her hand.

"Of course I am. And, I'll call you, Bianca!" She smiled and walked away with her boyfriend.

I sighed, watching them walk away and went to my locker then left the school, walking in the general direction of my car. Pushing past groups of people, noticing Owen—looking at me strangely again— in one of them and continuing to walk right past.

"Bianca, wait!" Owen called behind me, catching up to my and taking me by the shoulder to spin me around. His bright blue eyes that shone in the sunlight met mine, they were filled with sincerity, "Look, I really am sorry."

I sighed and opened my mouth to speak just as Katie and Marisol walked by. "Look, probably befriending Owen to get to Drew," Katie spoke venomously, glaring at me jealously.

"She obviously isn't even upset about Fitz. Bitch," Marisol added with a devious smirk resting on her face, her arms folded and her hip popped to the side.

"Don't forget whore, Mare" Katie giggled in a way that made my skin crawl. .

I shook free of Owen's hand and mumbled, "I gotta get out of here," before pushing through the giggling girls and walking to my car.

I made it my car quickly without any followers or anymore comments thrown my way that I could hear. I got inside and locked the doors before turning on the car and searching through the glove compartment. In there, I found another hidden razor. I pulled it out and lifted my sleeve.

**A/N: And there is the first chapter. This isn't going to be a long multi-chapter story. I have it planned out for four chapters. There with be A LOT more Bowen interaction in the next chapter, though, so if you a fan, read on (x. Oh, and please review and tell me what you think? **


	2. Who Cares?

**Bonjour. Just writing this was kind of meh for me. But I wanted to stick through with it until the end, so I'm sorry if it's a little boring or stupid at times. I'm excited to write the next chapter though, so yeah that's good, I think :p. Mmkay, enjoy. **

The next school day, to my pleasure, I was left alone, besides my normal conversations with Imogen. Owen wasn't in English and Katie kept to herself during Media Immersion. At lunch, Imogen told me all about her appointment and how special it was to her and to everyone and how perfect it went and how happy she was.

"I think it's going to be a boy," Imogen told Eli and I with a straight face, speaking matter-of-factly.

"Good," Eli smirked, "Girls are trouble."

"Even me?" Imogen smiled at him, batting her eyelashes playfully.

"Especially you," Eli kissed her nose and she giggled happily.

"Okay guys, ew," I rolled my eyes and stood up. "You know there is such a thing as _too_ cute, and you just hit it," I was only half joking, kind of annoyed by their always cute and always perfect relationship. There was _just_ so much of being a third wheel that someone could handle. "I'm going to the bathroom, I'll see you later," I said, picking up my bag and walking away before Imogen could object.

I walked around the school, debating on skipping out on the rest of the day. The only problem with skipping would be that I'd _really _be alone if I left all these brainless humans who made up the student body and faculty, and I would have no idea what to do with myself. So, I reluctantly went to my sixth hour class and sat in the same seat as yesterday, in the back where no one would bother me. I smiled to myself, knowing Owen wasn't even here today to bother me. I opened my geography book to what I assumed would be today's lesson and doodled mindlessly on my notebook while I waited for class to begin.

"Okay class, today we're going to partner up to start a project," Mr. Jaxon began as soon as the bell rang, a way-too-happy smile plastered on his face. Students looked around the room to their friends, signaling who they'd be loyal to with this assignment. I sunk down into my seat, knowing I'd either be left alone or stuck with someone who had been rejected from their group of friends.

"Now, before you get too excited, I've already chosen your partners!" There was a collective class groan at the news, "Now, now, we need to expand your horizons, get you out of your comfort zone with who you do and _don't _work well with. Because, we _all _know that out in the _real_ world, you are going to have to deal with people you don't get along with on a daily basis!" He looked around at everyone, including me, who was sinking down into their seats, feeling as though this project could realize their worst nightmares.

I listened to Mr. Jaxon list off partners enthusiastically, waiting for the dreaded moment that my name would be called.

"Bianca!" He smiled brightly and pointed to me in the back of the room. Luckily, most of the class was already getting into their groups and talking to their friends about how fortunate or unfortunate they had been with the partner they ended up with, and too busy to notice I jumped when he called my name. "And… Mr. Milligan!" He slammed a book down on Owen's desk, a huge _boom_ silencing thec lass and making Owen shoot up in his seat. Laughter bustled throughout the room.

When did Owen get there?

"Yeah, huh, what?" Owen said, a bit dazed from the startling awakening.

"Congrats, you are gifted with working with the lovely Bianca DeSousa on this project," Mr. Jaxon smiled and winked jokingly at me, giving me a chill up my spine.

Fuck creepy older men.

Well, I mean he wasn't that old, he was probably in his mid-thirties. It was still creepy.

Owen furrowed his dark eyebrows and squinted his eyes, "Great," He said, rather unenthusiastically, but stood up, walking over to the empty seat he had taken the previous day.

Mr. Jaxon smiled, again, and continued listing partners to the class.

"Partners," Owen looked at me and smiled slightly.

"Guess so," I said, turning to face him.

He tilted his head and looked at me seriously, "You can at least pretend to be happy. I mean, you could use just one extra friend, can't you?"

"I have Imogen and Eli," I said bluntly, but teasingly, in a way, causing a smile to almost reach my lips. Almost.

"I think one more wouldn't kill you. Plus, they're all couple-y, it's gotta be weird," He said, looking at me and shrugging, "Aaaand, I can scare the bitches away." He looked at me for a second before adding on to the statement, "Not that I don't think emo-boy could do a marvelous job with that." He smirked at me.

"His name is Eli, not emo-boy," I rolled my eyes, covering the hurt that came over me when I thought about how Fitz used to call Eli 'Emo-Boy.' "And, I can scare away the bitches myself. I don't need a body guard."

"You didn't scare them away yesterday," Owen spoke low and I could tell he wasn't trying to offend me, but that he was trying to get in my head; trying to understand why I had let Katie and Marisol treat me like they did.

"Yeah, well, I wasn't in the best mood yesterday, they were easier to ignore," I shrugged, wanting to switch the subject.

Owen nodded then looked at me curiously, "Why are you doing that?" He pointed to my arm and I looked down at it, noticing that I had been rubbing it subconsciously over the sleeve of my shirts where my cuts had been carefully placed underneath.

I moved myself in my seat, picking up my pen to distract my hand, "I don't know," I shrugged, "I didn't even realize I was doing it."

He looked at me for a moment then, thankfully, dropped the subject with an "Okay."

At the front of the room, Mr. Jaxon clapped his hands to get the class back into attention, "Okay, I bet you're dying to figure out what this assignment is about, right?" He didn't wait for a response, he walked to the chalkboard and pulled down a big map of Canada, "As you know, the ten provinces are: Alberta, British Columbia, Manitoba, New Brunswick, Newfoundland and Labrador, Nova Scotia, Ontario, Prince Edward Island, Quebec, and Saskatchewan." He pointed to the map with a ruler, a _slap_ sounding in the room as he pointed to the area where each province was located, "You are to pick a province and cumulate a project on it, it needs a poster and specific information on the History and current day structure of the province."

The class started whispering to their partners about what province they were going to use, but I kept my eyes glued to the front of the room, waiting for Mr. Jaxon to finish.

"Sounds fun, right? Any questions?" He asked, looking around the room, when nobody spoke up he finished with: "Okay, it's due next Monday. You may begin!"

I turned to Owen and blinked, "I think Quebec would be an easy choice." I raised my eyebrow, seeing if he objected.

"Sounds good, how should we start?" He asked, not seeming eager to do much. He looked at the clock, "Class is almost over, so I say we start later tonight." He smirked, looking at me playfully.

"Fine, but not at my house," I said, ignoring his stupid smirk and the stupid way it reached his bright blue eyes, causing them to shine playfully.

He wrinkled his nose, "Can we please do it at your house? My house is crazy with niners ninety percent of the time lately."

"Niners?"

"My brother," he explained simply.

"Ahh," I sighed in understanding, "Okay, fine, my house."

"Good," He said, then the bell rang and another smile played at the corners of his mouth, "I'll find you after school."

He got up and walked out of the room. I shook my head and watched him leave, gathering my stuff and leaving the classroom too.

~x~

"So now he has to come to your house? That's so…Weird," Imogen exclaimed as we walked from out last class to my locker.

"I know, I'm freaking out," Except, I didn't know why I was freaking out, it was just _Owen, _what did I care if I had to spend time with him? I had a million other times before.

"Good freaking out or bad freaking out?" She asked as I opened my locker, "Because, you know, Eli and I could show up and make him leave at anytime."

I smiled and put the books I needed for the night into my bag, grateful that my best friend still always had my back, "Thanks but no thanks, I can handle Owen, if I really need to." I closed my locker and looked at her confidently.

"Okay," She said, seeming perplexed, "But, the offer always stands, I'm just a text or phone call away!"

I smiled at her and we said bye so she could go look for Eli and I could look for Owen. I wasn't going to exactly look for him or approach him. I wanted to let him come to me, for some reason, in the back of my mind, I didn't want to look desperate. _Desperate for what? It's just an assignment, Bianca. _

I saw Owen across the way, walking towards me nonchalantly, not even stopping to talk to the group he had been with yesterday.

"So, to your house?" He asked when he got close enough.

"Yeah, are you just going to follow me there, or what?" I looked up at the tall, muscular guy, raising an eyebrow in question.

"Actually, could you give me a ride? I had car trouble on my way to school this morning and now my car is in the shop for the next few days," He said, shrugging his broad shoulders.

"So that's why you were late," I remarked, nodding and turning to walk out of the school, figuring he'd follow.

"You noticed that, eh?" He said smugly, keeping up with me as I walked to my car.

My cheeks got warm and I felt a blush creeping up to my face, I looked away so he couldn't see. What the Hell was wrong with me? "Oh, well no one was annoying me in English. It was quite peculiar, and peaceful," I smiled, joking the blush away.

"Suuuuure," He smiled as we reached my car, "_That_ or you just missed me."

I laughed, pressing the button to unlock my car, "Whatever helps you sleep at night, Owen."

"Well, if we're talking about what helps me sleep at night—"

"Okay, no," I cut him off, getting in the car, buckling, and starting the engine.

We both laughed and I turned on the radio, driving to my house. Thankfully, Juliana wasn't home yet, so we went to my room without any comments about me being a whore thrown at me.

"Taking me to your room, Bianca are you trying to seduce me?" Owen joked as I closed the door to my room.

"How'd you know?" I teased, walking over to my bed and throwing one of my pillows at him as I sat on the bed.

"I see the future," He said, smiling and sitting on the foot of my bed.

I shook my head and got out my laptop and my Geography notebook, I knew he didn't really want to work, and I'd have to push him to do his half of the project, "What do you think we should work on first, the poster or the report?"

"I don't care," he said with a shrug.

I sighed, "Owen, you're not just going to sit there while I do all the work. We have to do research," I opened my laptop and clicked on Google Chrome to begin the research.

"Calm down," Owen said, standing up and walking over to sit next to me on the bed. He took the laptop from me and started typing things into the search bar. I opened my notebook, taking notes on what we found. Within the next couple hours, we already had all the research we needed.

"We're a pretty good team," I smiled at him as he closed the laptop.

He smiled back, "Well, duh. We used to be great friends; of course we'd make a great team."

I smiled, remembering the times before I was with Drew, Owen and I would hang out and do random shit for the hell of it, we always worked well together. "Well, I can bring you home now, it's still pretty early, I'm sure your friends would love to hang out with you," I said, shrugging and standing up, setting my notebook down on the bed.

He stood up, too, setting my laptop down carefully, "Nahh, let's hang out here."

I sighed, and looked at the time on my phone, 5:32, Juliana could be home at any second and I really didn't want Owen to be around while she screamed at me, "No sorry, I can't."

I heard the front door slam shut and I cursed underneath my breath, opening the door to my room, "Stay here," I told Owen, walking downstairs to talk to Juliana before she came up here.

"Oh, you're here," My Aunt said emotionlessly when she saw me, "Did you want something?"

"Nope," I said coldly, not sure what to say, "I was just working on an assignment upstairs with a friend."

"Oh great! You're probably offering them all of our food and who-knows-what! You can't have people here without my permission, you know that!" She said, already raising her voice, already getting angry. Everything I did angered her, if I didn't do school work, I was going nowhere in life, but now that I was working on a project, I was getting in trouble for it.

"It was for a project! For school!" I yelled back, and suddenly Owen was coming down the stairs.

"Everything okay, Bee?" He asked, concerned, standing at the bottom of the stairs.

"Oh! And it's a boy! Lovely Bianca, just lovely! Project my ass, God, you're such a whore," Juliana yelled, pulling out a packet of cigarettes and taking out one to smoke, lighting it frantically.

"I'm sorry!" I yelled back, taking Owen's hand and pulling him out of the house as my aunt screamed profanities at us and told me not to come back for the rest of the night. I got into my car and gripped the steering wheel in one hand and used my other hand to forcefully rub at the cuts underneath the sleeve of my shirt.

"What the hell was that?" Owen asked me when he got in the car.

I didn't look at him, "It's nothing, she's always like that, everything's fine." I sniffled and flashed a fake smile at him.

"Bianca, what's that on your arm?" Owen's gaze fixated on my arm that was gripping the steering wheel, the one I had been practically tearing at with all the rubbing.

My eyes flicked to it and it seemed that my constant rubbing had not only reopened one of the cuts from the previous day but also moved my sleeve up a little bit, revealing scars from previous dates and some of the newer cuts to the world. I quickly shoved the sleeve down. "It's nothing, Owen," I said, putting the key in the ignition.

He took my hand before I could turn the key and start the car, "Show me, Bianca," He looked at me, his eyes pleading for me to do what he said.

"It's noting," I pulled my hand away and turned the key in the ignition.

It was quiet as I pulled away from the curb and started driving down the street. I didn't want to say anything, and I didn't really want him to say anything either, I just wanted the car ride to be over with as soon as possible. But, after a couple blocks, Owen spoke up, "Do you…cut yourself?"

I turned the radio on to ignore his question, but he just turned it down, "Bianca, tell me."

"I can't," I told him as I pulled up to his house and stopped the car. "I'll see you tomorrow," I said, trying to coax him out of the car before he made me do any explaining. My heart was pounding, I didn't want to explain myself to him or to anyone else, I didn't want him or anyone else to know that I was weak. And, I certainly didn't want anyone to make me stop.

"Fine," He sighed and opened his door, "I'll see you tomorrow…" He nodded and reluctantly got out of the car, looking back at me a couple of times before going inside his house.

~x~

When I got home, I fought with my aunt about the fact that she told me she didn't want me to come back, but I always do and that she just wished that I could just disappear and stop being such a burden to her. I didn't eat or do anything else for the night; I just went to bed really, really early.

I laid in my bed and texted Imogen, telling her that everything went great and that I would thankfully need not spend too much more time with him. When the conversation died down, I placed my phone next to me on the bed and felt sorry for myself some more.

My phone started buzzing and I looked at the caller I.D. 'Owen.' I groaned to myself and looked at it for a few seconds before reluctantly pressing the answer button. "What?" I asked calmly.

"I wanted to make sure you were okay," Owen's voice rang with concern on the other line and my stomach flipped a little.

"Yeah, of course," I nodded, even though he couldn't see it.

"Good," I heard him sigh as if he were contemplating what he would say next. "Bianca, you can't hurt yourself like this," He said quietly, but clearly, into the other end.

"Owen, you just don't get it," I sighed and hung up the phone, turning it off for the rest of the night.

**I didn't have much time to revise, sorry for any grammatical, spelling, etc mistakes. I hope you enjoyed the chapter, yeah. I don't know what to put here, because I have to be across town in like 15 minutes, and I have to walk and it looks like it's about to rain, so you know, PLEASE LEAVE A REVIEW, tell me what you like, what you didn't like, and all that fun stuff, okay? Thanks :p. byebyee**


	3. Hate, Lies, and Allies

**Cool, hi. So this chapter start out, NOT in Bianca's POV, it's a third person POV that mainly focuses on Owen and how he's feeling, so yeah. This chapter is kind of short, and I'm sorry it's been a while since my last update, but I actually liked writing this chapter, so I hope you enjoy :D. **

He knew Bianca had been ignoring him all day. He was actually going to ask her for a ride to school in the morning, but she had refused to answer any of his texts or calls. He ended up having to carpool with the Baker's. He had Bianca to thank for that _super fun _car ride with two homophobes and his gay brother in the car with him.

Bianca had avoided him in English, sitting in a seat where there were people on both sides and nowhere for him to sit near. But, at lunch, he had decided he'd search for her and corner her if that's what he had to do to get her to talk to him. He was worried about her, he needed to tell her to stop, he needed to know if anyone else knew about what she was doing to herself and why she was doing it in the first place. He needed to know how to help before this escalated to something worse, something she couldn't recover from, something that would tear him apart.

He knew where she sat at lunch; he would check the table where she, Imogen, and Eli sat every day, before he went anywhere else to look for her. Unfortunately though, when he approached the table, only Imogen and Eli were sitting there, talking animatedly.

"You know, first name, 'Bo,' middle name 'Ty,' so his name could be like 'Bow Tie!" Imogen told Eli happily as I walked up to the table.

"No, I am not naming my son after neck wear," Eli said laughingly, holding back a smile at her ridiculous suggestion.

_Son? _Owen thought, clearing his throat, "Uhh, sorry to interrupt, um…baby talk? But…" He began to say, causing Eli to shoot daggers in his direction and Imogen to look down at the paper she had been mindlessly scribbling on.

They dropped the previous conversation and focused themselves on me, "What did you want, Milligan?" Eli asked pointedly.

"I was looking for Bianca," Owen replied in a less harsh tone than Eli.

"She doesn't want to see you," Imogen said, looking up at Owen seriously.

Owen sighed; this was going to much harder than he originally thought. He took a seat at the end of the table so he could look at the both of them while he spoke, "Do you know _why_ she doesn't want to see me?" He asked the two of them.

"Probably because you were a joke to her?" Imogen said, crossing her arms stubbornly.

Owen scoffed, "Is that what she told you?"

Imogen opened her mouth to speak but Eli stopped her, placing his hand on top of hers from across the table. "If that's not the reason, Milligan, then what is?" Eli asked incredulously, looking at him as though he wouldn't believe anything Owen said anyway.

Owen sighed again and thought for a moment, "Do you guys know what Bianca does?" He asked, not really sure if he should say much, he didn't want her to be getting in trouble with her friends for keeping secrets.

Eli rolled his eyes, "What, like drugs? That the best story you can come up with?" He looked at Owen angrily, practically slamming the hand that wasn't holding Imogen's down on the table. "Just leave Bianca alone, she's been through enough."

"So, I guess you don't know, sorry I wasted your time," Owen said, getting up to leave.

"Wait, Owen," Imogen spoke up, a scared expression reaching her face, "She's not… hurting herself again, is she?"

"Hurting herself?" Eli asked.

"Again?" Owen asked at the same time as Eli.

Imogen sighed sadly and looked at Owen, ignoring both questions. "So she is," she said softly, her voice cracking with grief, "I'm a terrible friend, I have to go find her." She stood up and dismissed herself from the two boys, leaving the scene quickly.

~x~ Bianca ~x~

I sat in the bathroom stall, clenching the razor in my hand. I had seen it; Owen had been talking to Imogen and Eli at _our table_, where nobody ever bothered us. Owen couldn't keep his big mouth shut, could he? God, I hated him. They were going to make me stop, make me talk to people about what I was doing to myself; I knew they would. And, it was all his fault.

I silently cried as I slid the razor across my arm, once, twice, three times. I was a mess, a terrible mess and I couldn't be fixed. I hated this; I hated me as much as I hated him.

I heard the door to the girls bathroom open, startling me and causing me to sob loudly and drop my razor on the dirty bathroom floor. Footsteps quickly made their way to my stall and someone started knocking frantically on the door. "Bianca, what are you doing?" Imogen asked on the other side of the thin stall door.

No need to hide, she knew, she'd seen me like this before, I opened the door, blood dripping from my arm, eyes and cheeks swollen from crying, and fresh tear drops still rolling down my cheeks. Imogen took one look at me and pulled me carefully into a hug. I stood there, numb, not sure if I had the strength to hug back or the motivation to move from my spot in the bathroom stall.

"Bianca, I am so, so sorry," Imogen said, pulling away from the hug and catching a loose tear that was rolling down my cheek, "I had no idea and I should have. I'm a terrible friend." She took my hand and pulled me to a sink, turning on the faucet and shoving my arm under the warm water.

I clenched my fist and shook my head. "You're the best friend ever, Imogen. I don't deserve it."

"Bianca, you're going to stop this," Imogen said, taking some paper towels and pressing them to my wet arm, "You're going to stop for me because I hate seeing you like this."

I ripped my arm away from her grip, "I can't, Imogen!" I yelled, pulling my sleeve down and turning to leave the girls bathroom.

Imogen took my other arm and stopped me, "Bianca, please." Her voice cracked and I could hear the sadness in it, "I need you, I need you in one piece, I need you to be okay."

"Imogen, I—" The bathroom door swung open and I turned around to scare whoever-the-fuck-it-was away. But, when I turned around, standing before me was none other than Marisol Lewis and Katie Matlin. Two bitched that I was not in the mood to go around with.

"Aww, Mare, look, she's crying. Must've finally realized that nobody will ever like a _slut _like her. What'd you do, go after Goldsworthy and even _he _didn't want you? Figures," Katie bitched, looking at me with a devilish grin.

"It's about time she realized how completely nasty she is," Marisol smiled, crossing her arms and popping her hip to the side.

"Bee, I think it's time you wipe those _drama queen _tears and _accept reality_," Katie said, taking a step towards me.

Imogen stepped in front of me and pushed Katie back, "Just get the Hell out of here."

Katie tensed to push her right back, but I grabbed Imogen arm, pulling he rout of the way. "Imogen, stop, you can't fight in your condition," I said, standing in Katie's way of Imogen.

Imogen's hands flew instinctively to her stomach, "Right, sorry…"

"Condition?" Marisol asked, holding Katie back from attacking me, then looking at Imogen, her eyes widening, "OH MY GOD, the freak is _pregnant!_" Her and Katie looked back and forth at each other then burst out into giggles.

"She is not, and you're going to feel pretty bad about calling her that when she's _dead_," I lied coldly, pulling Imogen out of the bathroom and leaving the two girls completely dumbfounded.

"Bianca, hold on," Imogen stopped me outside of the bathroom door, turning me to face her. "Here," she said, taking the sleeve of her shirt and wiping underneath my eyes for me kindly.

"Is everything okay?" Eli said, gently, instantly at our sides. I looked at him and shrugged, seeing Owen standing behind him with his arms crossed. He was looking at me worriedly, making me roll my eyes, he didn't actually care.

"We're fine, Eli, but Bianca and I are going to skip the rest of the day. Girl time, okay?" Imogen told him, linking her arm to mine and looking from me to her boyfriend. Eli nodded and leaned in, kissing her on the forehead.

"Whatever you have to do," He said softly, stepping away from the two of us and offering me a smile that seemed to say 'I'm sorry.' Somewhere along the way, I think I made a friend out of Eli Goldsworthy; I smiled back and started walking away with Imogen, pushing past Owen without a single word.

We walked out of the school and to my car. "Where are we going?" I asked, looking at Imogen before I got into the driver's seat.

"Youuuur house," Imogen sang, getting in and buckling her seatbelt.

I groaned, "Whhyyy?"

"Because."

~x~

"Bianca, all of them, give them to me," Imogen said, sitting on my bed and holding out her hand.

She wanted my _razors_. She wanted to take away my only escape from all the people and things in my life that despised me, all the people and things in my life that I despised right back. I didn't want to, I really didn't want to, but I knew Imogen would be persistent. She was Imogen, she wouldn't stop until I did what she said. I sighed and lifted up my pillow, taking the razor from underneath and setting it in the palm of her hand.

"_All _of them, Bianca," She said again, still holding out her hand.

I groaned and opened my top, left hand dresser drawer, "Imogen, please don't do this to me." I found the few razors that I placed at the bottom of the drawer and scooped them out, placing them in her hand.

She looked up at me and raised her eyebrows, "Is that all of them?" I nodded, biting my lip. _Besides the one on the school's bathroom floor that had previously been in my glove compartment. _"Bianca, this is for your own good, I just want to help, please don't hate me for it, but I need you here with me, and I want you to be okay, okay?"

I nodded and held back tears. She was right that it needed to stop, but I just wasn't sure that I could. I hated myself for it. I hated Owen so much for ratting me out; I hoped I'd never have to see his face again.

"Good, be right back!" Imogen jumped up and walked out of the room, taking the razors with her.

I fell back onto my bed and looked up at the ceiling as I waited for her to return. Suddenly, my phone started going off in my pocket. I pulled it out and looked at the caller ID, holding back the urge to throw my cell phone at the wall when I saw who it was trying to contact me.

Owen.

I reluctantly clicked the answer button and put the phone to my ear, "I don't want to talk to you," I told him coldly.

"Please, Bianca, I just wanted to help," Owen said pleadingly on the other line.

"Well, you didn't, thanks," I said, convinced that was he did was only to hurt me, no matter what he said about wanting to help.

I heard him sigh, defeated, "What about our project?"

"I'll finish it," I replied with finality and hung up the phone just as Imogen walked in.

"Who was that?" she asked, lying down on the bed beside me.

"Owen," I told her with a shrug, tossing the phone on the other side of the bed.

"Bianca, I think he really cares about you," Imogen said hesitantly.

"I don't."

Imogen shrugged and we lay there silently for a few minutes before she started lightly giggling. I turned over and looked at her, "What's so funny?"

"Marisol and Katie probably think I'm dying, thanks to you," She giggled, causing me to crack a smile and start laughing with her.

"You're welcome," I told her through the laughter.

**I wasn't sure where to end it, so I thought a giggle fit between two best friends would be good. Lol, anyway, there wasn't much Bowen in this chapter, but pretty much all of the next chapter is going to be some crazy stuff happened to them (That will also be the last chapter). So I hope you enjoyed this chapter, and I would really like it if you reviewed? That would make me super happy! **


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